Outlaw smugglers Stella Star and Akton manage to pick up a castaway while running from the authorities, who turns out to be the only survivor from a secret mission to destroy a mysterious superweapon designed by the evil Count Zarth Arn. The smugglers are soon recruited by the Emperor of the Galaxy to complete the mission, as well as to rescue the Emperor's son, who has gone missing. An outlaw smuggler and her alien companion are recruited by the Emperor of the Galaxy to rescue his son and destroy a secret weapon by the evil Count Zarth Arn. In the same vein as Jason of Star Command and Flesh Gordon, Starcrash is a campy, fun throwback to the old serials of the 30s and 40s. It looks, feels, and tastes like an old serial, minus the chapters. Yep, it is a cheesey attempt to cash in on the great sci-fi craze of the late 70s, fueled by the likes of syndicated Star Trek reruns, Logan's Run, Close Encounters, Space: 1999, and ESPECIALLY Star Wars, of course. It is guilty as charged. That said, it is an absoloute low-budget blast. For detractors, here's your first clue that this film is not to be taken seriously: A robot with a long, southern drawl. L the cowardly robot is a riot!<br/><br/>Starcrash shamelessly pilfers elements from Invaders from Mars (1953) (a brief appearance by an alien judicial judge), Ray Harryhausen films (a couple of model animated aliens & robots), and Star Wars (a lightsaber duel), not to mention the old serials.<br/><br/>The whole thing never stops to catch its breath, and neither does the viewer, overwhelmed by alternately cheesey and surprisingly good special fx and generally porn-level acting and dialogue. One minute Stella and L are battling Amazons, the next L is gunning it out with troglodytes, and the next Akton is having a lightsaber duel with those model-animated robots. There are psychadelic images and scenes, almost worthy of the equally bizarre Barbarella. And along the way are allusions to classic sf authors Edmond Hamilton, Murray Leinster, and Ray Bradbury.<br/><br/>For the b-movie or old time serial lover, or someone who doesn't mind some campy lightweight space opera, Starcrash really can't be topped. This movie is completely insane. The plot makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, which is pretty much par for the course with Italian knock-offs like this. The special effects are colorful and eye-popping, the sets designed by some wonderful nut with an eye for that crazy psychedelic-art-deco-cocaine-disco-Flash-Gordon look that Italians do so well. The actors are completely at a loss as to how to act/react to the film they are in and… I loved it.<br/><br/>What else can one say about a film where the best performance is delivered by….David Hasselhoff. Scary but true. Not even the usually mesmerizing Marjo Gortner can do anything with the logic-defying lines of dialog he is forced to utter. After 10 minutes I was laughing so hard I knew I'd found something unique. <br/><br/>I rarely venture down the road of "so cheesy it is good" movies but STARCRASH is mind-boggling in its cheesiness. Characters can tell the future but won't let anyone in on what is going to happen because "You would have attempted to change the future…which is against the law." A depressed and hung-over-looking Christopher Plummer states at one point, "I wouldn't be the Emerperor of the Universe if I didn't have a few talents. Now, Imperial Spaceship–halt the flow of time!" (not bad, eh?)<br/><br/>Joe Spinell, dressed like a dime-store Satan and dubbed by a man who sounds dangerously constipated, declares at one point, "By sundown I will be the most powerful man in the universe!" And you sit there and think, Sundown? You're in outer space, dude!There are many such hilarious lines.<br/><br/>I could go on and on: There are jerky stop-motion monsters, psychedelic blobs of light that attack people for no explainable reason,Robert Tessier painted green, a robot who begins the film speaking normally and then about 15 minutes in starts talking in a southern accent,Christmas tree lights masquerading as stars, a weapon called The Doom Machine and a central non-performance from the ravishingly lovely but blank Caroline Munro, she of the stilted delivery and mis-matched eye-lines. But, my lord, she rocks a series of outfits that would make Barbarella envious. Gorgeous woman.<br/><br/>So, if you are looking for a rousing sci fi adventure with narrative coherence, decent special effects,and good acting, watch Star Wars; but if you're in the mood for an incomprehensible but colorful mish-mash of Ray Harryhausen movies, old Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers serials, Doc Savage, Perry Rhodan, and just about everything else up to and including the kitchen sink, watch STARCRASH. You certainly won't forget it soon. Did I mention the leaping cavemen?…
Ruaijaine replied
345 weeks ago